ni-nen mae ni...
as i was doing my coding these past week, a thought crept up on me time and time again. it's october, i'm supposed to remember something important. then, it dawned on me that it'll be the 2nd death anniversary of PIO. october 21, 2001, since THE DAY happened and changed my entire outlook in life. looking back on the past, i can say that it wasn't all bed of roses. we met when we were in college, freshmen year. me, still adjusting to living on my own without my parents. him, adjusting to a new life at college. the first time i saw him was in the dojo where my cousin persuaded me to learn Tang Soo Do lessons. i thought i already met him at that time since his face was so familiar... that was the start. then we met again in school and I ask for his notes in philosophy since i wasn't able to take notes... from the on, we became friends and he started courting me ' til i said yes...life with him during college was bittersweet. we had our quarrels (most of the time, lol) and had our makeup too. we dealt with our problems together that i almost think about what he thought first before making a decision. for me, it was perfect but i guess sometimes i want to be free. 4th year anniversary came and that was the turning point of our relationship. i felt that i'm too constricted with him. i guess i was just confused if he is the ONE for me forever or perhaps there is someone out there for me, much more easy going than him. hehehe =) but then he told me that he will be more open to my opinions and that what made me decide to stay and be with him. then graduation came and i was offered a job in NEC. he was so frustrated at that time since he hasn't found a job yet. fortunately, he was also offered a job in NEC but the hardware department. anyway, it was his dream job. 2years of both of us working in NEC had made us strong. notwithstanding, time and time again we quarrel but it won't be a relationship without one, right. we had some business together such as sari2x, piggery. things are working out fine. had planned on getting a lot in one of the suburban areas here in cebu as we later on plan to get married. then he died...
i was utterly devastated. i thought i can't go on anymore without him. i've been with him for 7years and i can't imagine my life without him. it was a painful process. i even cry at times at an inappropriate time such as walking along the street, in church, in malls, anywhere where i can recall being with him. but as they said, the living must go on. so i did... i tried burying myself with work. when that wasn't enough, i joined with my friends at work to go out and have fun. it was a good decision. it made me a lot more stronger than before. i was able to enjoy myself without fear of what would someone think if i did this or that. i was free, in a sense, for the first time ever. hehehe =) i'm so ever thankful to my friends for being there and accepting me as me. as i recall the happenings in my life, i would like to change a few situations but overall it was all worth it. the pain, happiness, sorrow, hope, everything... right at this moment, i can almost(almost ha!!! hehehe =) ) that i am happy to live my life without a man by my side. but that's another blog to write about...
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